Lord of the Desks
by The Cavity
Summary: This is about Lord of the Rings if it were taken over by highschool girls, and put on a bit more crack.
1. Default Chapter

Lord of The Desks  
  
Disclaimer: I am a lazy person and I do not enjoy writing these so this one is for the story. I do not own any of the characters associated with Lord of the Rings. Anything that has to deal with Lord of the Rings I do not own, and this piece is not intended to offend anyone. It should be taken in humor purposes only, and not in any other context. However, I do own my computer, my opinions, and my sexiness.  
  
A/n: I got this from when we were in Advisory, and the teacher asks my friend "Why do you have an aversion to sitting at your desk?" and I answered "Sir, but her desk is evil, and it yearns to get back to it's master". By the time I was in my last period class my demented contorted mind had come up with this. Be warned this is on crack.  
  
Long Ago, there were 9 desks that were created for each of the social classes. The nerds, outcasts, bullies, cheerleaders, punk rockers, goths, preps, teenies, and the choir kids each received one desk that held the power of the school moral, popularity, grades, and general power.  
  
However, the jocks feared of there social power if the nerds had the same amount of power as they did. Therefore, forged the desks, and they made one desk with power, and next to the pre chewed gum, and tagging(Rita was here in 1921) , the Captain of the football, Jared Blake, team tagged 'One desk to rule them all'  
  
One day, the nerds tired of jocks hanging them by there underwear, and giving them excessive amounts of wedgies abusing there power began to revolt. One by one, nerds stopped doing others homework, stepped out of there calculators, and geometry books, and took notice. This day was known as the 'Nerd Revolt'. Numerous amounts of brawls and scuffles broke out amongst the jocks and the nerds. Many resulting in the nerds hurt and in peril. Until, James Edger, Captain of the Chess Team came up with a plan of defeat and power for all nerds which would end the fight. The nerds raided the science lab. A unsuspecting jock came up to a nerd, and the nerd took acid, and threw it out onto the floor, and the nerds mad at the jocks made them dilute the acid. Mad, Jared Blake went to his evil desk, and a power surged through it. Meanwhile, the jocks diluted the acid wrong, and everything caught on fire, and an explosion rang across the room. James Edger ran into the room with Jared Blake, and saw the terror that was happening as he looked at the power bubble. Without thought he threw a combination of some different elements, and the bubble blew up killing him. Two things remained the desk and Jared Blake laughing.  
  
Although, Jared Blake could not stay at school forever, and one day graduated. The story of the desk passed on. By the year of 2003, the story had become nothing but a fable told to unsuspecting freshmen to scare them, but only one thing remained. The desk that read 'One desk to rule them all'. It had been shoved off from class to class no one knowing what it meant, and the desk yearned to get back to the football team.  
Deacon Andrews had vowed when he first came to the school that there would be no pre chewed gum left on any desk before he died. For about 20 years, he had taught the school one sophomore gum chewing class after another. His favorite punishment was scraping gum off the desks, and the sophomores enjoyed chewing gum because they knew that they would get away with there rapid gum chewing.  
  
Unfortunately, Deacon Andrews gum chewing eyes became better and better, and as he got older he would start making sophomores clean under the desks for any thing. He possessed 10 gum scrapers, and unlike any other teacher for detention he made them scrape gum. While, he hung out in the teachers lounge, and when you were finished he personally checked all of the desks, and if any was left he would make you chew it.  
  
This is where the story began DeeJay and Jay Cee were cleaning gum under the desks for as Deacon Andrews put it "Exercising there right of human communication and connection in time where older and wiser people were trying to educate there minds so that they would be able to use there communication skills better fashion." , which means they talk to much.  
  
"Hey Jaycee" DeeJay said "Do you realize how much tagging there is under these desks. "Maria was here in 1971. What's your say"  
  
"I would do mine , but it's kind of R-rated and i'm afraid Deacon Andrew is gonna walk in"  
  
"Man people put some weird stuff underneath these tables. We are all a bunch of idiots.Geometry sucks"  
  
"DeeJay, can't you find anything better to talk about."  
  
"Idiots R Us.Class of 1932 where idiots are us. Hello future classes"  
  
"DeeJay stop being a dork"  
  
"Me and Daniel. let's skip that one. Michael got me pregnant.Shaina leaves her tribute to herself"  
  
"DeeJay come on concentrate on the gum scraping"  
  
"Rita was here in 1921.One desk to rule them all"  
  
"Really, one desk to rule them all"  
  
"Yup"  
  
"Idiots, maybe I should scrape your tables.You are so easily distracted. and mine don't have that that much tagging"  
  
"Hey Jaycee one desk to rule them all look i'm sitting in the" DeeJay sits in the desk.  
  
"What the fu?" The World begins to spin, and DeeJay is no longer in the evil desk, but in middle earth.  
  
Meanwhile, back in the classroom  
  
"DeeJay, this is no time to play around" Jaycee looks up from her work, and finds DeeJay no longer in the desk. She goes over to the desk, and sticks her finger in it , and she finds herself next to DeeJay in middle earth.  
  
"Hey, Jaycee, this desk is a great tool to get out of religion. Shit, I love this desk"  
  
All of a sudden, they see three other girls running toward them. They know the other three.  
  
"Jaycee.DeeJay.How did you get here?" says the shortest one named Gwen who is too short to even be considered a hobbit.  
  
"Cleaning desks. and you?"  
  
The girl with long dark brown hair named Nina answers "We were buying jewelry off the street when-"  
  
The girl with red hair named Rachel cuts Nina off and said "When, we read one choker to rule them all"  
  
"We read one desk to rule them all" JayCee said.  
  
All of a sudden they see Frodo, the 2 short idiots, and Sam  
  
"Look Gwen, it's your size people world"  
  
"Hello, we are looking for the prancing pony do you know where that is?"  
  
"Wait.your looking for the strip club on east ave. Man ya'll midgets like to get your freak on" Gwen said  
  
"We are supposed to meet Gandolf there, but we do not know where to find it"  
  
"Is Gandolf some kind of stripper cause I know the girl called Pollolf."  
  
"What is this strip club you speak of" Frodo says.  
  
"The strip club is" DeeJay notices Frodo's feet "Damn you got some crusty feet. I mean shit that is just nasty. Those are worst than my tap teacher's and he has some crusty feet. Great just what we need short people with nasty feet. Damnit get a fucking pedicure."  
  
"And this pedicure you speak of" Frodo remarked with his devilish blue eyes gazing into DeeJay's  
  
"My goodness, are you in special fucking ed"  
  
"And this special fucking ed is what?"  
  
DeeJay looks at Jaycee for support and she looks back at me and starts speaking.  
  
"Obviously these are toddlers"  
  
"Toddlers that want to go to a strip club" DeeJay said with confusion.  
  
"Who doesn't?" Rachel remarked  
  
"Good point"  
  
"So, let's baby sit them. we don't have anything else to do" Gwen suggested  
  
"Hell No Bitch"  
  
"Well, there lost and we're lost"  
  
"No. correction. we're not trying to get to a strip club. We are trying to get home"  
  
"Click your heels together three times and say 'There's no place like the ghetto. There's no place like the ghetto" Jaycee says  
  
DeeJay follows her directions "There's no place like the ghetto. There's no place like the ghetto..Damnit. It worked for fucking Dorthy"  
  
"Maybe Dorthy was on crack"  
  
"Goodpoint"  
  
"So, we got no other choice, but to follow the midget children"  
  
"Shit"  
  
"Can we follow you guys"  
  
"Sure" Frodo says smiling  
  
The girls all think in unison. 'Frodo must be gay'  
  
And, with that they were off to something that they would live to regret forever. And, they would also live to regret they bought jewelry off the street and talked in class. But, that is a completely different story.  
  
A/n: Hey Ho Howdy Hey!!! I know the grammar is messed up and I'm not even going to lie and pretend it's not, but tell me what you think of the idea in general.  
  
Thank you. 


	2. Part of the Journey to the Prancing Pony

A/n: I'd like to thank Jukia and Lil Short Person. I am about to say one of the truest corniest things that I have ever said in my life. Sometimes, my biggest motivation is the feedback from the readers Thanks guys.  
  
PART II  
  
The Journey to the Prancing Pony  
  
"99" the group chorused  
  
"If only there weren't so many fucking twigs" Nina said in discuss  
  
"You would have tripped over the land without twigs.Your cursed"  
  
"No, I'm evil. What do you fucking think?" Nina replied sarcastically  
  
"I knew it. You people that appeared from nowhere are with Sauron" Frodo said accusingly.  
  
"No way, I hate barbeque sauce"  
  
"Sauron, gives a Texan Twang to your ribs. Yee hah" Jaycee said  
  
"And this twang you speak-"  
  
"Damnit, not that shit again" DeeJay said.  
  
"So, don't ya'll have cars or a bus?" Rachel said she was always the nicest of the group even though there really isn't that much competition.  
  
"And these cars you speak of?"  
  
Rachel looks at the group. "Well, we might as well teach these manly looking toddlers something that is useful" Anna proceeds to tell Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin about cars and buses"  
  
"Wow nothing of the sort exists in middle earth" Frodo exclaims amazed.  
  
Everyone stops looking each of them with a look of utter shock and bewilderment.  
  
"Middle fucking Earth?" Gwen said  
  
"What is middle Earth? Is there a top and bottom Earth top and bottom earth to" Jaycee said  
  
"Technically, the middle of the fucking Earth would the be the core, and the core is so hot that no one can live there. Without burning severely. Unless, this is hell, Must be ya'll are here" Nina says casually  
  
"You mean God doesn't negotiate" Dee Jay says bewildered  
  
"What did you expect to do slip him some money?" Gwen says sarcastically  
  
"Well, yeah" Dee Jay says earnestly  
  
"Although the sign that we are in middle earth does not surprise me I was looking for some signs that said 'Leaving Texas entering Idaho"  
  
"Idaho isn't anywhere around Texas" Rachel said  
  
"Well, look who I had for geography"  
  
"Good point" everyone said  
  
"Idaho close to Nebraska I don't know. Who cares?"  
  
"I knew it!!! I knew you all were hoes" Gwen yelled  
  
Everyone looks at Gwen "Idaho the state Gwen" Rachel said  
  
"Oh"  
  
"This state that you speak of"  
  
Nina Trips  
  
"100"  
  
All of a sudden a bunch of black horses come riding through the woods. They are followed by a 16 year old girl with dark brown hair named Karen hanging onto a black horse about to be bucked off.  
  
"Lori, I didn't know you could ride a horse" Jaycee yelled  
  
"I CAN'T" Lori said practically screaming  
  
"Man this middle earth has some good entertainment" Gwen said  
  
"We have to do something about Karen" Rachel yells "Not that I care, but the point is so we have someone to accidentally kill" she says as she looks at Nina.  
  
"So, what are we going to do?" Jaycee says  
  
"Let's through someone useless!" Dee Jay says  
  
"Frodo!" Nina exclaims  
  
"No, someone has to carry the ring"  
  
"Well.anyone can carry a ring. You act as if carrying a ring is hard"  
  
"Well, let's use Sam. he's useless"  
  
"O.k" everyone says except the hobbits.  
  
The next thing you see is one person grabbing one arm, another grabbing the other arm. Someone else grabbing Sam's back foot, and another person grabbing Sam's other foot as they hoist him into the air with him screaming.  
  
"Nice take off" Dee Jay says "Good.Good. Not too high.too high.uh oh.that must have hurt. I wonder if he broke anything"  
  
Karen falls off of the horse the group runs to Karen completely ignoring Sam.  
  
"Lori, How did you get here?"  
  
"I.was.I was.doing.homework.when.when.one.piece.one piece.of paper to rule them all" Lori says as she collapses.  
  
So we leave them in peril, and they still not have reached the prancing pony. Will they ever reach the prancing pony? Will Lori ever finish there homework? Will Nina ever stop tripping over twigs and bramble? Join us next time as we leave our friends in a Journey through my corrupted minds on Lord of the Desks. Thank you  
  
Please review folks. Thanx. -D 


	3. We're off to see the Wizard

A/n: Thank you Happy Bunny for reviewing. We finally make it to the Prancing Pony. So, um yeah. Read on  
  
~.~  
  
"We're off to see the wizard the sexy old wizard named Gandolf" DeeJay sang to a Wizard of Oz like melody. To the average bystander this would have seemed perfectly normal. Perhaps even comical, but after hearing it for 7 hours straight non stop it sounded like crap.  
  
"God Damnit women stop singing that damn song"  
  
"Hey.Hey.chill.breathe, come on deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. Come on-"  
  
"Damnit, stuff it up your ass I don't feel like hearing it."  
  
"Come on people we're away from home in a place where they don't card you if you're under 21 going to a strip club. What could be better?"  
  
"Quit it with your damn optimistic psychology crap. We're in middle fucking Earth where the nearest restroom is a hole behind the bush, and you have to fight a squirrel for some leaves to use."  
  
"But, we don't have to worry about recycling. Or the ozone layer, and we can even see the stars. This would be so romantic."  
  
"Ah shit. Who the hell is there to be romantic with?"  
  
"I've got a boyfriend"  
  
"Well, let's see there is Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin"  
  
"Point being who is there to be romantic with."  
  
"I think that I would make a nice husband" Merry said happily  
  
"I think that you need to come up to top Earth, and look at the guys there"  
  
Frodo walks over to Rachel who has been the nicest towards him and his hobbit friends.  
  
"What do you look for in a husband to marry?"  
  
"Well, actually, a guy who doesn't want to screw me first chance he gets"  
  
Frodo looked at her awkwardly as he said"What else?"  
  
"A guy who is sincere, sweet, smart, not an asswhole"  
  
"This asswhole you speak of ?"  
  
"My last boyfriend"  
  
The group approaches the big gate, and the foreman looks down and says to them "What is your business here?" Frodo opens his mouth, but DeeJay speaks before he can  
  
"We are off to see the Wizard the Wonderful Wizard of" a shoe is thrown by Gwen who is in a very sour mood "Ah shit what did you do that for you bitch!!!!" DeeJay jumps on Gwen, and the two start fighting.  
  
Frodo looks up, and stares at the foreman, and says to him "We are hear to meet Gandolph at the prancing pony"  
  
The foreman looks down at the two girls still fighting on the ground, and no one bothering to separate them.  
  
Frodo looks helplessly at Jaycee "Hey, I'm on vacation"  
  
Rachel takes pity on them, and so does Karen as they try to pull the two apart. They do it unsuccessfully, and they stare at Jaycee for help.  
  
"Ok, damnit just this once"  
  
"DeeJay, hurry up!!! Aliens are taking over"  
  
DeeJay pushes Gwen over, and runs out into the forest yelling "And they said I was high. Aliens are coming!!!"  
  
"So, What are we going to do about DeeJay?" Nina said shakily  
  
"Oh, don't worry, she'll come back"  
  
The foreman looks at them, and says we're not letting you guys in.  
  
"Ah, damnit, I was just being polite, and letting you think that you would stop us from entering" Jaycee grabs the door handles, and yells "Open the Goddamn door", as she pulls open the handles, and the foreman falls when the door swings open.  
  
"Oh my God!!!! Gift shop!!!" Rachel yells as she sees a store entitled 'Trapped inside some stupid middle earth. So, I might as well scam these damn idiots gift shop'  
  
They ran inside to see that the gift shop wall was decorated with nothing, but shirts, and dresses.  
  
"Look at this shirt!!!" Gwen yells as she holds it up "The short people hold the ring". They all left the gift shop with a shirt with a dress so they could look like they belonged, a ring that was on a golden chain, and a shirt. They even switched out there money.  
  
Frodo looked at Gwen, and said "You look beautiful" Gwen looked at Frodo, and for the first time she said something civil and nice to Frodo without cussing.  
  
"Thank you. So do you"  
  
As they walked Sam walked helplessly behind because he wanted to marry Gwen to.  
  
~.~ A/n: So, they finally made it to the Prancing Pony. Two men wanting Gwen's heart, Frodo or Sam. And, DeeJay still running in the woods yelling like a maniac.Join us next Time for Lord of the Desks The Fellowship of the Desks 


End file.
